Turning 10.And an epiphany.

Papers over.
Life next.
Here is something i find really meaningful.
A poem,
O level unseen text.

On Turning Ten

The whole idea of it makes me feel
like I'm coming down with something,
something worse than any stomach ache
or the headaches I get from reading in bad light-
-a kind of measles of the spirit,
a mumps of the psyche,
a disfiguring chicken pox of the soul.

You tell me it is too early to be looking back,
but that is because you have forgotten
the perfect simplicity of being one
and the beautiful complexity introduced by two.
But I can lie on my bed and remember every digit.
At four I was an Arabian wizard.
I could make myself invisible
by drinking a glass of milk a certain way.
At seven I was a soldier, at nine a prince.
But now I am mostly at the window
watching the late afternoon light.

Back then it never fell so solemnly
against the side of my tree house,
and my bicycle never leaned against the garage
as it does today,
all the dark blue speed drained out of it.

This is the beginning of sadness,
I say to myself,
as I walk through the universe in my sneakers.
It is time to say good-bye to my imaginary friends,
time to turn the first big number.
It seems only yesterday
I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed.

Billy Collins


Very meaningful at this junction of my life.
Here i am, thinking what life is and what life suppose to be.
I have seen the truth, I have seen what is ahead of me.
Lessons should be learnt, not taught.
My whole life i told myself to be different from others,
not to hurt other people's feeling,
To think that the world is all beautiful and serene.
How naive.

In reality, life isnt.
Make a mistake suffer.
I have found out there is more to life.
so much more we all could do,
but we dont.
Life has so much meaning now.
I just realised that money is hard to earn,
Death is imminent.
Life is fucking short.
Parental love is eternal.
Yes. This is life.

We have to deal with problems within ourselves,
before giving a hand to society.
Live your life with what YOU think is right.
Not what other people say is right.
If you are correct,
fight for it.
If you are wrong,
admit it.
No harm done.

I am not going to be the sensitive guy anymore.
I am not going to be the one giving in even though i think i am right.
We all have the right to be selfish at times.
Maybe its just the stage where anger takes over,
or i am just trying to find myself,
I am like this boy.

I skinned my knees. I bled.

exams, pressure and expierence moulded me to someone i always hated.

'human.'